A Pact With The Zipper

According to recent reports from the home front, I am the only mother in the whole world, maybe even the universe, that wont let her daughter wear pants with a 2 inch zipper.

My grandmother has always said that the more covered you are, the more mysterious you will be to a young man and I'm all about keeping kids bellies and backsides captivating.  If they get sick or frostbite (or something worse) all because of a tiny zipper, I would absolutely be sad.  

Am I the only one who thinks a zipper serves a purpose?  I think that its inventor, Whitcomb Judson, would be very put out to learn that zippers are decorative items now.  All that hard work to get it to open and close  -  for what?  Judson called it the clasp locker, and I think he was on the right track, especially with the locker part.  Its bad enough that his invention was ignored at the 1983 Worlds Fair, but now, a second slap in the face.   Judson originally designed the zipper so that a bodily area could slide in an item of clothing and stay IN.  He spent his life's work on a closure to prevent exposure! 

My deep sense of respect for this great American inventor, and my old fashioned fashion sense inspire me to make my case for a minimum of a 4 to 6 inch zipper.  It would allow for at least some protection from "the elements".  It's not like I am asking for a one foot long or anything, just enough to cover all the bases.

While I think this is reasonable, according to sources close to me (which would be my daughters) , I stand alone on this matter.  All other parents see nothing wrong with low, way low risers, and I am single handedly  ruining my child's life and reputation.  Oh, the guilt I feel. Will this be my undoing.   (ha ha  -  that would be a stretch!)

The exact location of her navel, and all other navels under my care and supervision, will remain undisclosed.  It is a security issue, on many fronts, and some backs.

But I do worry.  Will the zipper someday be reduced to only some fancy stitching instead of having any teeth to it?  Will the clock's pendulum swing the other way so that once again we cover the back and fronts of the next set of teens?  I am not hanging on the edge of my seat to find out.

As far as the zippers function on my daughter's clothing, I am for FULL CLOSURE!

How do I handle all the complaints? (and yes, I occasionally have a complaint from someone in the household)   They can zip  it!