Me, Myself and I

I think that I have multiple personality disorder.  ----  I'm serious!

Don't you think its weird that a person can go to bed as one person and wake up as a completely different one?  Here's an example...I can wake up on Sunday morning and look like I just woke up.  30 minutes later I can have a completely new face.  And after a glass of Diet Dr. Pepper (which is my cup of coffee) I can have a whole new attitude.

Then, BAM!!!  I am hollering at my girls to "GET MOVING!"....get dressed...pick up the pace...get in the car so we can leave!

Then, we pull up in the Church parking lot and are greeted with smiles and "good mornings" to which I promptly reply, with a smile on my face...."Good Morning to you too!"

It is only 10 a.m. and I already have morphed into three or four different "Me's".

In church this past Sunday, the preacher talked about the Holy Spirit.  Before Jesus ascended into heaven, after his resurrection, he told his disciples to spread the word to everybody, everywhere...."go to the ends of the earth".  He then told them not to worry, because he would send a comforter to help them out.  Then...Jesus was gone.

God did show himself again in the Holy Spirit.  The trinity is made up of God, The Father and the Holy Ghost.  It is pretty difficult to understand...God is the only God...but he has revealed himself through his son and the holy spirit...they are a trinity...a community of three...all wrapped up in one.  All of them real and all of them complimenting each other.

Do you get it?  That's OK if you don't....Bobby doesn't get me and all my multiple personalities and I'm not sure that I get it either.  But, in the end...it's still me.  And I think that Bobby takes comfort in the idea that if one of my annoying personality traits rears it's ugly head...another mood is bound to emerge at any given moment.  It's a good thing Bobby has stuck with me this long...he pretty much knows what to expect.

I don't really know what my multiple personality disorder has to do with the Holy Spirit.  But somehow hearing about the trinity in church made me think about me, myself and I.  Hopefully no matter what "me" is appearing before those around me....they will still be able to see the Lord through all of it.  :)

Marriage is Hard Work!!

Marriage is hard work!  The past couple of years has brought many changes for my husband and I.  It has been interesting to see and realize how much my husband loves me and has stood up for me.  We have been married 19 years, and I remember during the first years of our marriage it was anything but wonderful.  We had a lot of differences between us, and I worked hard at trying to change him...trying to make him what I thought he should be.  A lot of men and women struggle with the differences they see in their partners.  Just because I prefer to do something one way, and my husband prefers to do it another way - does not make one of us right and one of us wrong.  It simply showcases our differences.  This is an area in our marriage when we were first married where I definitely messed up and took to an extreme.  We as women, are bad for trying to change our husbands.  I know that we fuss at them, and insist on them doing things our way.  We can be soo hard on our spouses.

I have been learning something along the way.  If I try and mold him into the ideal of what I think he should be, then he would cease to exist.  My husband has soo many qualities and characteristics that are good for me.  He complements my style, my personality and oftentimes is the exact thing that is needed to make me stop and listen to common sense.  I cant tell you how many times he has bravely or lovingly voiced his thoughts that were contrary to my own.  And I NEEDED to hear them....whether I wanted to or not.

It has occurred to me that I am very grateful that my hubby is different than me.  It can be uncomfortable and frustrating at times, but it is only up to each one of us to individually make the choice to change.  Once I stopped nagging and trying to change him, and started focusing more on myself and my actions, things seemed to be calmer between us and in our home.  I finally understood that I will answer to God for the things I have done....not what he has done.  Redirecting my focus off of him and onto what I need to be doing took a load off of our marriage.

SOOO, let each other be who they are.  Pray for each other and love each other despite their flaws.  Listen to what each other has to say  -  for the other person may truly know what they are talking about.  After all, no one knows you better than the one you live with!!  Be free to be whom God created you to be whether or not your spouse agrees with all of your thoughts, actions, or "particulars".  I have learned that I value my spouse a lot more by having him be him instead of just another copy of me.

I sure do love my hubby.....I have had a crush on him since I was a little girl.  He is wonderful to me and takes care of me.  I am blessed to know him and to be a part of his heart.  I guess you could say that I am definitely one lucky girl!!

Stressed is Dessert Spelled Backwards!

Have you ever been so busy, tired and stressed at the same time that it felt like your brain was going to melt and drip out of your nose?  OK......soo, I'm exaggerating a little bit.  But, you know what I mean.

Surprisingly, I am keeping my responsibilities and duties in check.  My normal daily brain function is what's suffering as a result of the busyness, tiredness and stress-ed-ness.  For example:  I walk around the house looking for my car keys, and they are in my hand.  Or, I cant find my purse, and it is hanging off my shoulder.  OR...I say something to Bobby and then a minute later I say the same thing again.  He gives me that crazy, strange look and I stop myself and ask him, "Did I just tell you that?" 

I've been told over and over again that I need to start exercising.  They tell me it will give me more energy and will help me feel better.  But, I am stuck in this horrible cycle of not having the time and energy to exercise so I can have more energy and feel better.  What do you do with that?  :)

I really need to get my act together.  If my girls call you up because I dropped them off at the bus station instead of school, just do me the favor of picking them up and taking them to school for me.  Then, give me a call and let me know not to go back to the bus station to look for them when I realize what I have done.  :)

It's just all crazy!!  But....a good crazy!  Just have to laugh at myself.  :)

Your FAT!!

I went out to visit with my 95 year old Grandmother this past week.  Sometimes when I feel homesick for my family, I go and sit with her.  I absolutely love her with my whole heart and find her to be an amazing woman.  Because of her age...her eye sight is a little dimmer and her hearing is just a wee bit off.  I walked into her apartment and told her I was there.  It went kind of like this:

Me:  "Hi Grandmother!"

Her:  silence

Me:  "Grandmother...it's April!"

Her:  "Who?"

Me:  "April"

Her:  "WHO?"

Me:  "APRIL...Your granddaughter.  I came to sit and have a visit with you!"

Her:  "OOHH"

Me:  "How are you doing?  Are you OK?"

Her:  "What?"

Me:  "How are you?"

Her:  "I'm fine.  Are you April?"

Me:  "Yes....I'm April.  Remember?  I come to visit with you often"

Her:  "Your FAT!"

Me:  "Thanks....."  :)

I laughed.  It still makes me laugh.  I remember when I was a skinny girl.  But now....not soo much.  You see....somewhere along the way, the wonderful metabolism I had laid off half of it's workers and the other half went on strike...leaving my metabolism at a snail's pace.  I did try getting my metabolism back by offering all those who are on strike better benefits....like a better health plan, more vacation days and shorter work hours...but I don't think they were interested. 

Soooo.....my grandmother is right!  Don't you hate it when you know they are right?  :)  I guess I better go and get some celery sticks....or a treadmill...or something!  :)

The Never Ending House Chore

The never ending house chore.....LAUNDRY!!!

Piles and piles of laundry!  Never ending...always around...laundry!  It seems to grow....like a weed.  No one is watering it...I certainly have not put any fertilizer on it...I am not weeding it or cultivating it.  SO HOW DOES IT SEEM TO KEEP GROWING?

I mean...I wash and wash.  My mom taught me well.  I make my piles...whites, colors, darks, towels, etc.  I wash them...take one night off to fold, iron and put away...then go to bed feeling much better about it.  When I get up the next morning, it's there AGAIN!  And not only is it there again...it seems as if this pile is larger, bigger and definetly has a mind of its own!

It's like Pinocchio's nose when he gets caught lying...the more I wash, the bigger the pile grows!  Of course, my two dogs thank me.  They both go and lay on top of the piles of dirty clothes and take long, restful and peaceful naps.  UGH!!!!  Now that my girls are getting older, they do help with the laundry..............at times.  I'm glad that I am able to teach them the joys of gathering up, separating the loads and washing!!  It's great to be able to share the joy!!!

Rx: Smiling

"A merry makes a cheerful countenance,

but by sorrow of the heart...the spirit is broken."

Proverbs 15:13

At work today, one of my fellow employees said that if you are always humming or singing...then you have a joyful heart.  I can remember my dad saying this also.  A smile in your heart means a smile on your face.  My boss sings all the time.....and I mean ALLLL the time.  :) 

But, how can we smile when we are having such a hard time?  With three girls in our home....3 teenage girls in our home....we have a lot of emotions and at times a lot of drama.  Its amazing to me how one minute they can be singing and talking on their cell phones and the next they are sulking, pouting and not talking at all.  This basically comes from the fact that they ARE girls and are in the midst of growing up! 

But then there is guilt.  Guilt does not know any songs.  It is very hard to crack a smile when we are dealing with guilt.  Guilt has a way of making us feel soo ashamed over sinful behavior that we dare not even look to Jesus because we know he wont be smiling back at us over the sin that has been committed.  Guilt is God's way of getting our attention but once we ask for forgiveness, guilt is the devil's way of making us feel worse.  Once God forgives us...he never brings the sin up again. WOW!!!  So, the sin and guilt that we keep hanging on to is the devils way of making us loose our focus....and when we loose our focus, we quit looking to Jesus for our healing.  God offers forgiveness that mends our memories, and he smiles when he hears our whispered "sorry's" and turns them into joy.

That's some pretty amazing medicine God has for us!  FORGIVENESS!!!  This medicine is always available thru prayer.  It cures the guilt so we can move on to share His medicine with others and then leaves us with a song in our heart!  :)

It's OK NOT to do it all......RIGHT?

School's back in session!!!  :)  Olivia is our Senior.....Abigail is our junior....and Leanna Claire is our Freshmen.  A part of me is glad and another part of me gets a little frustrated with the whole thing.  At the beginning of the school year, the teachers (along with others) start recruiting parents and volunteers for all kinds of different activities.  There's the PTO, Teachers Luncheons, Cookie Dough Sale, Fruit Sale, Christmas Wrapping Paper Sale, Magazine Sale, Coupon Book Sale, Candy Sale.....and the list goes on and on!  IF your a mom with kids in school...you know exactly what I mean.  Then I go to church, where I really do want to serve and give of my time but now am hesitant to do so because I know all to well how I can over comit myself. 

How do you react when an opportunity for service presents itself?  DO you feel guilty saying "NO" and then end up saying "YES"?  Why do I feel as if I need to do it all....why do women in general feel like they need to do it all?  I know without a doubt that I can do just about anything I want to when I set my mind to it.  By, I've learned the hard way that I cant do it all at the same time......sometimes, I just cant do it at all.

I love working in the church atmosphere.  It truly has been an honor to be a part of that.  But, I have had many hard lessons to learn because of it.  For years, I tried to earn the love and approval of others and GOD by doing everything I could find to do.  If a position needed filling, I filled it.  If a job needed doing, I either volunteered or just did it.  Doing all these important things in the church made me feel needed, important and feed my desire for selfish ambition.  The result was not fun for me, my friends or my family.  I wound up at the bottom of a deep, dark pit and finally realized it was called depression.  It was if God just turned everything off.  He allowed me to run to the end of myself, then He shut the door and turned out the lights.  He needed to get my attention....and boy oh boy did He ever work me over!!!  After He took many things I loved to do away from me, and let me go without.....I finally broke down and let Him know that He had my attention.

Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear

fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you,

unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches.;

he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit;

for apart from Me you can do nothing.

John 15: 4&5

God's pretty clear in this verse.  One cannot abide in life without Him.  One of my main problems in my life is that I do not know how to live a balanced life.  I find it difficult to set boundaries, and in doing so...without even realizing it until its too late, I surrendered what I thought was "doing God's will" to the emptiness, vain and selfishness of just doing the next thing that came down the path or pleasing the loudest voice.  For me...my balance of life got wrapped up in this and then became a big twisted knot.  I felt lost and lonely.  I even felt despair and sadness.  It became where I could not measure up to any one's standards and I was loosing control of my life.  I could no longer balance all the demands of my home, family, friends, work and personal area's of my life.

Are you familiar with the verse: "Run the race that is set before you.....?"  Well, I had been running and running but I was doing it in my own power.  I had been running the race for the wrong audience and as a result, relied on my own selfishness instead of the power of God.

What I just told you happened several years ago that I felt soo completely lost.  I wish I could say that I had it all figured out by now, but I don't.  Everyday is a new day...a new beginning filled with all its ups, downs and challenges.  I am constantly having to re-evaluate my priorities and goals in order to find the balance that God intends for me to have.  I am still finding myself having to make choices between the good things and the best things. 

I do understand now that I cant do it without God's guidance and help.  God is my reality....He wants to be in this battle with me.  Soo, I find myself reading, praying and taking baby steps to rest in God so that I can have the life of balance that I soo long for.  How about you?