How do you react when an opportunity for service presents itself? DO you feel guilty saying "NO" and then end up saying "YES"? Why do I feel as if I need to do it all....why do women in general feel like they need to do it all? I know without a doubt that I can do just about anything I want to when I set my mind to it. By, I've learned the hard way that I cant do it all at the same time......sometimes, I just cant do it at all.
I love working in the church atmosphere. It truly has been an honor to be a part of that. But, I have had many hard lessons to learn because of it. For years, I tried to earn the love and approval of others and GOD by doing everything I could find to do. If a position needed filling, I filled it. If a job needed doing, I either volunteered or just did it. Doing all these important things in the church made me feel needed, important and feed my desire for selfish ambition. The result was not fun for me, my friends or my family. I wound up at the bottom of a deep, dark pit and finally realized it was called depression. It was if God just turned everything off. He allowed me to run to the end of myself, then He shut the door and turned out the lights. He needed to get my attention....and boy oh boy did He ever work me over!!! After He took many things I loved to do away from me, and let me go without.....I finally broke down and let Him know that He had my attention.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear
fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you,
unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches.;
he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit;
for apart from Me you can do nothing.
John 15: 4&5
God's pretty clear in this verse. One cannot abide in life without Him. One of my main problems in my life is that I do not know how to live a balanced life. I find it difficult to set boundaries, and in doing so...without even realizing it until its too late, I surrendered what I thought was "doing God's will" to the emptiness, vain and selfishness of just doing the next thing that came down the path or pleasing the loudest voice. For me...my balance of life got wrapped up in this and then became a big twisted knot. I felt lost and lonely. I even felt despair and sadness. It became where I could not measure up to any one's standards and I was loosing control of my life. I could no longer balance all the demands of my home, family, friends, work and personal area's of my life.
Are you familiar with the verse: "Run the race that is set before you.....?" Well, I had been running and running but I was doing it in my own power. I had been running the race for the wrong audience and as a result, relied on my own selfishness instead of the power of God.
What I just told you happened several years ago that I felt soo completely lost. I wish I could say that I had it all figured out by now, but I don't. Everyday is a new day...a new beginning filled with all its ups, downs and challenges. I am constantly having to re-evaluate my priorities and goals in order to find the balance that God intends for me to have. I am still finding myself having to make choices between the good things and the best things.
I do understand now that I cant do it without God's guidance and help. God is my reality....He wants to be in this battle with me. Soo, I find myself reading, praying and taking baby steps to rest in God so that I can have the life of balance that I soo long for. How about you?
No comments:
Post a Comment